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Friday, March 8, 2013

Learning to lean.

There is a song that my spiritual mother loves to sing, if ya'll don't mind I want to sing a little of it for you. "Learning to lean, learning to lean, learning to lean on Jesu-s-s-s. I need more power then I ever dreamed, I'm leaning to lean on Jesus-s-s-s." Every since I accepted a job offer in Mississippi that song has been my anthem. First I had the emotionally, challenging, tear jerking task of resigned from the church I was pastoring. Then came resigning from my job where the people I worked with were like my brothers and sisters. I must say I cried all the way to the director's office to turn in my resignation.

During both of these trying times I am praying every step of the way. Then came the really hard part, packing up things and leaving my wife back in South Bend (she will be joining me next month though). I left about 4:30 in the morning in a snow storm. I could not see the road not because of the snow but because of the tears that were flowing down my face. Praying, singing that little song is the only thing that kept me from turning my car around. 

Once I crossed in Missouri I the flood gates really opened and I cried all the way from Missouri to Tennessee. After pulling over several times along the road to catch my breath and wipe my eyes, I commenced to kicking myself for leaving a perfectly good job and for leaving behind all the people I know in the world that loved me. I'm still singing by the way. 

Finally arrived in Mississippi, red eyed, tired, home sick and tired. Each day I get up I want to go home. Every time I get in my car I see 55 N. I dream of 55 N. I have been here two weeks now and I must admit I am not in Kansas anymore. The culture suggest I have stepped back in time. The people I have encountered reminds me of mind control (Lord, I need more power than I ever dreamed). 

I was driving and Abraham spoke to me the other day. He told me 'now you know how I felt when God told me to leave my friends and family and go to a land He would show me.' I slammed on breaks. I had to catch my breath. I had read that story in Genesis 12 a lot of times before but never did I see the emotions that was attached to Abraham obeying God. I can see it now. I understand why God had to call Abraham twice. I understand why Abraham had to stop often and build an altar. I understand, I get it. Every time Abraham stopped, if he had known this little song I believe he would have sang it. 

Well like Abraham I am headed for the promise land. I don't know why God sent me here. I don't know what my assignment is here. But there is one thing I know, I am learning to lean on Jesus.

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